my life - now then & tomorrow

a diversion in my path of life.

2012-02-16T16:39:00.009+08:00

About six months ago I resolved to make some changes in my life. I wasn't too crazy with where I was with all the things around me. Many things need to change. At that point I decided that the first change should be something not involving others directly. Something that I could be in total control of. Something about me and myself. Hence began my journey of shedding all this excess, both physical and emotional.

As the physical transformation takes place, so does the my emotional state. I am discovering things about me that I never knew exist. This new strength, willpower and determination. And the creative part of me is also making a comeback. The eloquence juice is flowing well.

In the past six months, I've shed about 35% of my body weight, help edit & publish a book of poetry, re-evaluate a thing or two in my life, learn of a few of my hidden talents and best of all, I started living my life to the fullest.

My journey on this new path has begun. There's so much ahead, and I won't look back. I will brave this chance and no more regret. I will make the best of everything.

p/s : funny how I meant to write about something else but ended up writing this instead. So do you still want me to write about how I did it?

stop talking about that!

2012-01-20T01:14:00.000+08:00

Oh, how I hate, despise, abhor the conversation I just had. Talks about lost & losing someone close to you is like visualizing losing a limb, losing one of your senses, only far, far worse.

Now, do I just go to bed, pretending to try to sleep (which I know perfectly well I can't) or do I hit the shower to drown this wretching sobs?

The choice is obvious, aint it?

w.r.i.t.t.i.n.g f.r.o.m t.h.e h.e.a.r.t

2011-08-01T15:58:00.001+08:00

I have been inspired to write again recently, To properly write, from the heart, from the depth of my soul.

For the past week I've been doing a bit of it, just a few lines here and there but they are too private to share, too personal.

I'll try to get the juice flowing & maybe someday someone will be able to share them with me.

Here's to those who inspire me, you know who you are.

BBQ Recipe

2011-08-01T15:04:00.007+08:00

Athene’s BBQ Sauce Recipe

Ingredients

1000 ml tomato ketchup - one of those in packet should fine

1 cup store bought bbq sauce* - preferably something with smoky in it’s name (optional)

1 cup chili sauce – time clear all those not too tasty one

1 kg of onion – diced coarsely

10 cloves of garlic - smashed

3 green apple – skinned + coarsely grated

½ cup apple cider vinegar

½ cup brown sugar – packed

2 bay leaves

1 tsp. mustard powder

1 tsp. nutmeg

1 tsp. paprika

½ tsp. cinnamon

1 tsp. herb of choice – I use rosemary if it’s for lamb, otherwise thyme/oregano or Italian mix is ok

1 cup of cola

2 cups of h2O

Salt to taste

Oil for sautéing

Steps

Heat oil. Sauté onion + garlic until translucent, add the grated green apple. Stir until apple is soft. Add bay leaves + all the dried herbs. Cook until aromatic, making sure they don’t stick to the pot.

Pour in the ketchup + sauce if you are using. Add vinegar + brown sugar. Mix well. Add water & salt. Cook until it boils.

Turn down the heat to a simmer, add cola. Gently simmer until the sauce thickens + does not taste very acidic anymore, occasionally stirring to make sure it doesn’t stick to the pot, scraping the sides as you go. This usually takes about 1 ½ hours.

Correct the taste, adding more salt if required.

Remove from heat. You may want to remove excess oil at this point. Cool sauce.

Freeze for long time storage up to 3 months since that is a lot of sauce!

*if you happen to have liquid smoke in your ladder, lucky you, use it!

BBQ Ribs

Ribs should be at least 3 bone sized. Place ribs in a pot, fill with water until it’s barely covering the rib. Add ¼ cup of bbq sauce to every kg of ribs. Cook on high heat. Once boiling, turn to a simmer. Cover pot, cook until tender, depending on how much you are cooking, this can take anything from 2 hours to 4 hours. Remove meat from liquid, reserving some to add to the bbq sauce used for basting.

BBQ Chicken

Place cleaned chicken in a pot, barely cover with water. Add ½ cup of bbq sauce to every kg of chicken. Cook on high heat. Once it reaches boiling stage, let it boil for about 3, then remove pot from heat. Leave chicken to cool down in the liquid, this way the meat won’t dry out + remain juicy.

To BBQ

Reheat bbq sauce. Add some stock left over from the boiled meat. Simmer until thick again.

Setup your grill. When the coal turns to ember, put on the meat, grilling until it sizzles + golden. Turn once. Baste with sauce. Repeat as many time you wish, I triple-baste.

Serve hot. Bon appetit.

So what's your internet history, how has it touch your life?

2011-02-27T03:13:00.004+08:00

15 years ago next month, I got my 1st email & internet account with Jaring. The 1st person I emailed was Redza at Columbia Uni, NYC.

So much has happened since then, I learned email, websurfing, IRC. Met someone there, dated my soulmate & got hitched to him within 7 week. It's been wonderful & I enjoy every second of it & am looking forward to what else the net has to offer. What triggered all this trip down memory lane you may ask? I just found my old Celine Dion- Falling Into You CD & it's playing on the stereo now. That CD & Radio Music was my constant companion during all those late nite chatting.

*the top part was supposed to be a status update, but as usual I got carried away, so here's a note*

I wonder what ever happened to my old Undernet #warung, #mamak, #penang pals now, the few I'm in touch with has done very well for themselves - jpg & onedge. So where's diZz, joelabi, scopenk, drag, landlord, itik, che, soon, tab, tabdad + those Cardiff kids that used to troll Malaysian #channels to release exam tension (a million apologies for banning Cardiff IP that few times :Þ) And then there was Tening who sent me a postcard from every city in Europe she traveled to during summer despite having chatted in #mamak only a few times - mananged to finally hook up with her on FB in '10.

I was a self-proclaimed internet addict, finally weaned myself by going net-free at home for a year back in 97' while settling down to married life! Missed a few net fads, some much regretted, other gladly.

1998-2001 was the newsgroups years, met many wonderful intellects in soc.cul.malaysia that really broaden youthful my mind, Ahmad Sayuthi, a big fan of Pink Floyd and who's just tied the knot with his soulmate , here a big hiho to you.

'Refomasi' years came & went, it triggered my interest in local politic in ways never imagined by people around me. Then on to blogging where I got to 'know' and became followers of Pokku & his children, Kak Teh, Mak Andeh, PakPayne, Atenah, Elly, Awang Goneng, Rocky Brew, Kickdefella, MGG Pillai, SakMongkolAK47, Marlinda & Thea, Mamasita-Mamamia, MM's Ranting plus many more - ah... the list is endless.

Didn't bother much with social networkings, Yahoo group was just for high school group, a hit& miss with Friendster. Then Facebook got me end of 07'! It rekindled numerous friendships from RRGS (1), MRSMBP, college days, IRC, newsgroup & I found many long lost relatives. I made friends with so many more and got to know my idols from blogs personally.

I now blog occasionally, sometimes tweet, Facebook almost *uhuk* daily, do internet banking & shopping, have an online business, using Streamyx at home. Use my mobile wifi/3G for emails, surfing and ermm... the tiniest amount of Facebook *wink* when on the road.

It's been 15 years for me, and YES I'm still an addict, and NO I will not give it up again, EVER!

So what's your internet history, how has it touch your life?

My hunky new gardening assistant

2008-12-11T22:38:00.006+08:00

The lil' man just love 'helping' out in the garden - him making more of a mess and me winding up with extra work, but what's not to love such youthful enthusiasm.

This is his so called 'Out on a Nepenthes Expedition' shots. Look at how big he's grown. And there's loads of ideas in that bald head of his!

Disclaimer : No pitcher or pitcher plants was sacrified during filming. The same can't be said about Jeddah's moneyplants though. Errk... :Þ

Dewy and enticing, just don't forget it's sticky too

2008-03-10T09:32:00.009+08:00

I've lost all senses on my body.

Been pinching my self black and blue but nothing's happening.

Looks like this is one nightmare I'm not waking up from soon.

The choice has been made, it's the matter of living with it, not just for the day but for a real long time.

Realizing that you've bitten more than you can chew changes nothing.

Live with it! No regret.

I know I have to, even though it wasn't my choice.

Jejak Awang Goneng / GUiT Trail

2008-01-28T00:12:00.000+08:00

@ 8.45pm on Galeri Perdana, RTM1, nightly from Monday 28 January 2008 to Thursday 31 January 2008.

More details after I speak to KakTeh in the morning.

Update :

Just back from GUiT blog, Awang Goneng wrote:

"GUiT Trail on TV

Awang Goneng will be following the GUiT trail on Galeri Perdana, RTM1 starting Monday 28th January. It will be shown in 4 parts, on 4 consecutive nights. We did the trail over two hot days in Kuala Terengganu, looking for the beluda, meeting old friends and making new ones, and going back to old places that I once knew."

For Sir AG's full account, read here.

Don't miss it!

And that's my little "Uncle Fester" on his 7 month's birthday @ Mom's 49th's Birthday!

Snapshots of Growing Up in Trengganu

2007-11-12T20:12:00.000+08:00

I got my GUiT!!!! I got Growing Up in Trengganu!!!

Tricked my other half into meeting some friends @ Gurney for lunch - reason? MPH apparently still have some copies of GUiT!

When I first asked for the book, the salesperson looked clueless, asking me to check with customer service insted. Then I remembered what Amir said about them being @ the Hot Pick shelves. There were only 4 copies left, we bought 2 (one a gift for a friend) and guess what I did next?

Hehehehe *evil grin* I moved the remaining 2 from the bottom shelf to the top shelf! Perfect eye-level. Moved some of Tunku Halim's too *more grin, sheepish this time*

The thrill of it all almost made me wish getting caught so that I can question why books by local authors are placed way at the bottom shelves, and we are talking about books on the best-seller list here!

Also got a couple of Tunku Halim's :) My friend swiped them both from the shopping bag while I was busy with the camera guy. Hey I want my books back!

I couldn't wait to start on the tales of Awang Goneng, dear KakTeh's partner in crime so I was flipping through it on the journey home, bad idea. I know perfectly well that I can't read in any moving vehicle, so I'm now feeling 'melugai'

The new camera been acting strangely. Whenever I attempt to transfer photos from the xD -card, only about half of the photos works while the rest of the files end up corrupted. After that, the card won't work anymore, I need to have it formatted. Lost lots of photos, mainly from the 2 events - the 'very secretive dinner' and the 'last minute sport event'! Alamak, I hope the others bothered to snap some shots during the 'do's

The camera guy offered to replace the card with a new one , we tried our luck and asked for an SD instead, and he agreed! And he offered a 2GB + 1GB SD Card in replacement to the 2GB xD-card, no extra charge! It must be our lucky day.

KakTeh, we are going to to Trengganu day after tomorrow, shall bring the book along to 'tayang'.

How he has grown in 150 days....

2007-11-07T17:23:00.000+08:00

More updates later.

By the way, a belated Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri to everyone, I know it's kinda late but it's the thought that counts right?

Utusan Malaysia - 4th July 2007 (Page 4)

2007-07-04T16:58:00.000+08:00

The funeral went without a hitch. Tearful congregation of his loved ones and former students sent him off with highest respect, very appropriate for a man of his stature.

One of his former students, a prominent religous figure in Penang was asked to say the 'talkin'. Pak Leh said that he can't read the 'talkin' for my grandfather, how can he tell this great man what to do, to remind him how to face God, there's no one worthy to do that for him.

Instead, he asked us all to join him in prayer for the deceased and then he addressed the group reminding us what a great man my grandfather was, the sacrifices he’s made in spreading knowledge in the name of glory of Islam, the ‘ilmu’ he has shared with the thousands lucky enough to be his pupil. He might be gone but his spirit lives on in a lot of us and it shall be passed on to our future generation. His passing is a great loss, but we all have to accept God's will of taking back what that has always been His.

Alhamdullilah, my grandfather at least got one of his final 'amanah', to be buried next to his wife of more than 40 years. The rest? Aahh well, we tried and we fought for him, but we lost. So there must be a very very good 'hikmah' that God didn't allow it.

La illa ha illa anta subhanaka inni kuntum minal zalimin.

This tiny sleeping lion shall continue his roar.

2007-07-03T02:38:00.000+08:00

Shekh Mohd Hussen Bakar Rafie, born in the holy city of Makkah passed away shortly after 6pm on the 2nd of July, 2007 AD@ 16 Jumaada al-Thaany 1428 AH at the grand old age of 107.

He was the major strength behind AlMashoor Islamic School, counting many political & religous leaders as his students. Among them were Dr. Burhanuddin Al-Helmi, Datuk Dr. Hassan Din, Shamsiah Fakeh, a number of Muftis of many states plus numerous other well-known figures whose name just slipped my mind at the moment.

Tunku Abdul Rahman used to call him 'The Tiger of Malaya' for his fiery preaching during the fight for independence more than 50 years ago and they remained good friends until Tunku's demise many years later.

He lived such a full life, loved, respected and sometimes even 'feared' by those whose life he's touched. In those days, his signature confirms enterance to Al-Azhar University, there are a few very well known 'ulama' who got to where they are through this method - of course they were tested by him first, his standard's very high!

His wife Zainab Salleh Azzahari who passed away in 1979 bore him 10 children, 7 boys and 3 girls plus an adopted daughter, the late Aunt Hayati who died on Mother's Day. He was also blessed with 28 grandchildren and 32 (I'm not exactly sure of this, could be more) greatgrandchildren, his namesake Hussen Allayth being the youngest.

He was my grandfather and I know he is in a better place now but nothing can describe how numb I feel at this moment. I pray for strength to face the funeral arrangement tomorrow. I have to try my best - for him, for my dad & mom and for all my love ones.

From God we came, to Him we shall return.

Look at what the stork brought in...

2007-06-04T01:09:00.000+08:00

I'm an aunt!

Welcome to the world to tiny baby Hussen Allayth, who arrived via C-section at nine twenty seven pm, Sunday, June the third in the year two thousand and seven.

He weights 2.5kg @ 5.5lb. and is the spitting image of his mom when she was born.

He's named after my 107 year old grandfather.

More update soon.

Just Once More

2007-05-11T23:24:00.000+08:00

When my granpa was was very ill early this year, my Aunt Hayati who is my granpa's adopted daughter whom he later married off to one of his sons came to take care for him. What makes the incident important enough to blog was that she's been away for the last 6 years. Everytime we called her to inform that my granpa has gotten ill, she'll say that she'll try to come. And everytime she didn't.

I don't know why, I don't know how, but she finally came over in february when it was touch and go for my grandpa. Everyone was surprised, but everyone was glad. Since granpa got sick a couple of years back, he kept asking for "Hayati, Hayati, Hayati". To comfort ourselves we kept sayaing that he's just asking for the people he loves - Hayati means my life in arabic (grandpa is an arab from the holy city of Makkah). Deep inside we know that he's asking for her. But there's nothing we can do, she in Kuantan, nobody knows her address. And nobody can force her to come.

Well she came and she stayed for a whole month. She cared for my granpa 24/7. When we offered to take over the duty, she insisted on staying in the hospital with us. When granpa was brought home, she was there to feed him with the feeding machine. It was like she was trying to make up for the years she's been away.

During this time, my mom & Mak Ti spend a lot of time having heart to heart talk. She too was having health problem, heart conditon, diabetis & seems that her kidneys are failing.

While on hospital duty, she saw my mom making smocked dresses for little girl, and since she likes it so much, mom offered to make her new-born granddaughter one. She chose a plain blue fabric & it was to be a bishop dress.

Mom got sick before completing the dress, and by the time my mom was well enough, Mak Ti had to leave for her home in Kuantan. It was like our path keep missing each other. My mom promised to send her the dress when it's ready, she asked the dress to be send to her and not her son who's residing in KL.

The dress was ready on Wednesday. Mom called her Thursday evening, her daughter answered saying she is resting/sleeping. My mom found it strange that she was sleeping during Maghrib, something she's never done before, ever! That's when Faezah told her that Mak Ti was in the hospital because of hypotension. We send her our love, and told her to get well soon.

My dad received a phone call yesterday morning. Mak Ti is in the ICU. She's having internal bleeding & nobody knows what's wrong with her. My parents and Khalati Farida took the one & only daily bus to Kuatan at 10pm last nite to be with her.

Her condition isn't good. In fact the doctor said to prepare for the worse. She all swollen and still bleeding profusely. They are planning a scope on monday if she strong enough for it. The doctor also said it's all up to her now, she has to keep on fighting. My mom keep asking her to fight, so that they can both care for their grandchildren, Amran's daughter & my sister S, yet-to-be-born baby. She nodded like she understood.

A short while ago, we were informed that Mak Ti has been put on the ventilator. She's beginning to bleed from the nose. I'm leaving now for Kuantan. Hope I'll be there in time. To tell her once again I love her and I understand now.

* I started this post this afternoon before the phone call, hoping to finish this tonight. Ater getting the phone call,I had to rush this because I want to post it before I leave. So please bear with all the gaps in the story & all the typos.

A.N.G.I.(NA,OGRAM,OPLASTY)

2007-04-16T11:01:00.000+08:00

My mom is going for angiogram today, and possibly an angioplasty & stenting too. Praying the best outcome of this. We spoke to her last night, and she's accepted that what's got to be done has to be done.

The printed information that we printed and gave her kinda help her understand the whole proccess better. She was relieve that it is not going to involve any GA and no 'coffin-like' chambers. She still wants me to be with her in the room, we've got to see what the doctor has to say about that.

I believe she will come out of this physically & emotionally stronger, yes, she will.

ReGardening

2007-04-05T19:36:00.000+08:00

The sorry state of garden has really been bothering us for the past few months. My mom tends to plant everything in any place she finds. Don't get me wrong, she has the most beautiful plants (my photos can vouch for that), but she can't plan her garden!

Each time she trims her plants, she's got this habit of sticking the cuttings into any available pot, if she doesn't have enough pot/soil, she'll just pop over to the nursery which is literally 2 houses away! Now our garden is a garden of mess. Last count, we have at least 65 pots of bougainvillea of unknown colors, hundreds of hanging pots of mixed plants - each contains more than 1 type of plant. And that's not including those almost decent ones.

She won't bother with heights and perspectives. When ever we complain, she'll start her tirade of "Oh, I don't know how to do it, I didn't get much education, why don't you do it?" Any reference to the many magazines / books on gardening & plants she bought, she'll pretend not to hear but she somehow miraculously has memorized the names + the latin names of most of the plants in the garden!

She's out to pleat more smocking stuffs. Zz & me has gone on a rampage. In the beginning we just sort of looked at each other, no idea where to begin. Finally decided to attack the new pergola first, any duplicate plants shall be relegated to the backyard pergola, any mixed pot too.

Managed to clear the thing and it's more spacious now. Eddie been complaining that he's unable to play football in the garden since mom went on her gardening binge, building that darn pergola. He won't have to worry about breaking any more pots. Kids will be able to run around more comfortably and have their kids picnic too (actually this is just a trick to get them out of the house and stop running in through one door and out the other - just lay a picnic carpet, give them some food & drinks, call it a picnic, believe me they'll be out of your hair)

If mom doesn't freak out, next step will be to get rid of the bougainvillea cuttings, any taker?

Bakinglust

2007-04-03T23:22:00.000+08:00

I've been baking daily since last saturday. I've made 2 types of cupcakes, banana strawberry muffins, lava chocolate cake, strawberry cheesecake, chocolate banana muffin, cornmeal cookies & choc chip cookies.

I stink of butter but friends and families are very happily sated.

It's almost time of the month again, so I guess I'm nesting.

Busy Cooks

2007-04-03T00:11:00.000+08:00

Took Adj over to Cooking Island to introduce her to the wonderful shop. Met the nice couple who own/run the store, Erina & Lawrence. She think the shop is a godsend for busy moms like her & thinks this is a beginning to a beautiful friendship - she especially likes the home-delivery thing. Lawrence & Erina, thanks for remembering me.

M.O.N.D.A.Y

2007-04-02T23:31:00.000+08:00

Was out the whole morning and most parts of the afternoon. Girls day out with my partner-in-crime, Adj. We went gadget shopping & we went meat shopping @ Muthu Frozen Food - do they have MEATS or what! We stocked up on T-bones, sirloin, lamb shanks, chorizos and them giant sausages that look truly vulgar. Our men are going to be HAPPY! - because of the meats not the sausages, okay.

We girls and shopping, you know the drill, so when our stomachs when on strike, it was almost 2pm. Decided to go to the Malay food stall near the Tanjong Bungah floating mosque. Ohmigod! The place is gone. Was really disappointed because we were fantasizing about the 'terubok panggang'. By the time we got back to town it was too late for 'Norman Nasi Melayu'. Alas, have to settle for Char Koay Teow from the Arena @ Queensbay since our next stop was to be there.

Window-shopped for baby stuffs for my lil' sis, but the hunger pangs from before was taking toll. Was beginning to feel a little light-headed so..... eeewwwwwwwwwwwww!

EEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
EEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
EEEWWWWWWWWWWWW!

I really don't like the way this post is turning out! So bland, so generic....

I have to stop now before I embarrass myself too much.

Who's the fool?

2007-04-01T22:07:00.000+08:00

After laying low for oh so many years , I've finally been April-fooled. By the famous 5Xmom, no less. It was a good prank though, even those very close to her fell for it too. Many, including yours truly are plotting revenge :)

Maybe I should have done the same, I know a lot of people are dying for me to be pregger. I guess I'm just not brave enough to pull it off - the prank, not being pregnant!

Talking about pregnancy, lil' sis, S is worried that her baby is not kicking enough, less than the required 10 kicks a day - or something like that. Went to the neighborhood GP, they did a scan, everything seems okay for a 30 weeks pregnancy and told her to monitor the baby's movements in the next 3 days. Mom's decided to take her to see the gynae tomorow though.

I'm wondering if the jabs she took before flying Cairo-Penang (to help the baby's lungs to develop) has anything to do with this. I know medically it is save to travel long distance before your 7th month, but to me, flying long-haul twice during your pregnancy is not exactly too brilliant.

By the way, Eddie turns 17 today, he's got a birthday celebrations with friends and can't make it to the weekly family gathering. I've got to learn to let go, he's a man now, not the little butterball that used to scamper around the compound in nothing but Ultraman t-shirts. Scraped-off the birthday cupcake plan and he shall get the long-awaited present next week.

Big bites & Prickly Dreams

2007-03-31T11:50:00.000+08:00

Didn't sleep too well last night. Kept having this dream of running away - from people, from things and from myself.

Sometimes, I tend to bite way too much than I can swallow. With so much on my plate now, how can I not? I guess if I want to keep my sanity, I have to take it one day at a time.

Yeah I know, everyone tells me I worry too much about other people.

If only they know how much I worry about myself.

Tigress in the dark

2007-03-30T15:26:00.000+08:00

Changed the template

2007-03-30T15:18:00.000+08:00

and it's finally working. Looks like I'm committing myself to this, let's see if it lasts.

Why

2007-03-29T16:15:00.000+08:00

aren't they posting?

Hey, what happened?

2007-03-29T15:59:00.000+08:00

I don't see my post!

Is it a sign from the big guy up above?

Should I?

2007-03-29T15:39:00.000+08:00

Been thinking about it the last few days.

Have put it on hold for way too long.

Shall I continue my reign as the queen of procrastinator, or shall I jump on the bandwagon?

SHALL I BLOG?

~A~